Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Entry #5 Unconditional Love in Marriage/Relationships Even During a Full Mooni

Hi All:
Here is a little un-chicken soup for the married/attached/souls out there! 

Getting Over Yourself Please in Love
  1. Try and be in a constant state of loving kindness to your wife/husband, even when they are not immediately showing it back to you. if they are acting uninspired (within reason), then you act peaceful, the results will stagger you with delight. Our relationships are a mirror of ourselves.
  2. Let your spouse shout (within reason) at you, if they are in an upheaval. If you hurt their feelings, try and say your sorry and get to the what is bothering them. Ask them in a kind way. Demonstrate removing your ego from conflict with a a partner and build trust.
  3. If your partner is struggling (within reason, this could apply to first time parents) and ready to blow their top, sit them down and ask what it is, do not turn around and struggle too, this is not productive. Please try and not demonstrate reactive behavior. 
  4. Try and have an argument without raising your voice (I did it once and it was awesome). It is so powerful and cool. 
  5. Have sex no matter what, if you still have a desire to be married. At the most inconvenient time just do it for the team. Your day will come I promise. Sex is a gift, enjoy the happiness.
  6. Love your in laws/family unconditionally. No matter how unlike you they are. Your spouse will appreciate it. 
  7. Surrender to your marriage or partnership lovingly and actually try and be as humble and happy to serve up your loving sincere kindness every day. The results are spectacular. (being in the center of a family can make you tired at times). Get Over Yourself and love everybody always because it is the best way to go.
  8. When we restrain our egotistical emotions and motivations from life situations and remove ourselves, (me and me and how about me, all day long, conscious or unconscious) it is a very easy and peaceful place to be (if you are lucky person in this world to be loved, warm and healthy). 
Get Over It!

"My Life Listens To Yours" - unknown

"Live For Each Other"  Green Tea Bag (I love the saying on tea bags, the best)

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage." - Lao-Tzu

With Love and Sincerely,

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Entry #4 I Got Over Myself! You Want A Medal? React Much? Oh Please!

Hi All:
I am amazed how adults react to anger like exploding volcanoes when it comes to petty conflicts.  I am equally amazed how we believe we deserve a Medal for everything (which we don't) and how we spend so much time thinking and talking about how our spouses, families, friends should behave and mirror us during these petty feuds. Oh boy this is a good one!

Todd and I are very excited to adopt a little baby from the US. There is a very specific action plan in order for the process to be successful. I am driving the research and administrative part of this plan now. Yesterday was the day that Todd and I were to review what I have done so far, and proceed forward based on our discussion. The conversation started rather late in the day for us (for one). During our review, Todd was listening to me and looking at his computer (while exploring other avenues in which to find our beautiful baby).  I was tense and raw before we started the discussion, (eyes bulging and shaking my head) because in my petty mind set, this was going to happen (The Secret Laws of Attraction (ha ha)) and I was right. As we are continuing, I am embroiled with resentment and saying to myself, " I can't believe he did not even say what a good job that I did and look, he is looking at the computer and not conversing with me. Where is the discussion here?" Here comes the mud slinging, high pitched voices,  shouting and here we are at - unproductive town!

So I huff and puff, throw the paperwork, curse, slam two doors and then run downstairs.  When I look back on it I think to myself, Oh Dear!  The entire time I am downstairs, I am thinking why does he always turn on me when I am struggling? Why did he not say, KK what is wrong today, are you alright? I spend almost one hour thinking how what he could have done differently. Not me, because I don't react and never raise the negative energy around this house. Yeah OK.

Today I woke up and felt so completely different about this scenario, here is why.

First, everyone believes they deserve a medal for everything. Look I took out the garbage (where is my medal?),  I cleaned the house all day (where is my medal)? and Todd look I did the research portion of this project I was supposed to do in the first place, (where is my medal) Yes, I know that I worked really hard and did a great job, (me needing that medal for that, got me in the hot water in the first place, right)? It was all about me and the very small portion of the plan that I did. Silly Mommy, Get Over Yourself!

On another note (entirely) I think folks have a difficult time complimenting people. What is wrong with telling someone you look great today? or Thank you for what you did for me today, I know you try so hard. Maybe if there was a bit more of that, even one crumb of a compliment, we would not need that medal so badly. And you all know who you are! I think everybody is wonderful and amazing and I tell them every day. You know me!

Secondly, when Todd began to mirror my emotions of frustration, I should have taken the energy right down to where it needed to be. and said, "OK let's talk about this and how we can solve it?" Instead of the walls going up around us that just burst into flames,  I should have said, your advice is sound and I am going to take it and get to the next steps, and be done with it.

If I plan on blogging like this, I better check myself each day and take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. My reacting was a good one last night. Right Cindy?

When we concluded our conversation, Todd was like "KK, you really think you are this feminine version of Buddha, but you are a human being, You switch off when you don't want to hear or do what you don't want to do. He said it in the nicest way and he was right. I have to say why does that type of conversation with Todd trigger me so much? It comes from a little place in me that has nothing to do with Todd, really. Where is the self love? Let's not forget, forgiveness of oneself. I am just so glad that I GOT OVER MYSELF.

As our beloved Deepak Chopra says, (funny how this card came up last night,)
"I deal positively with emotional turbulence." "I recognize and take responsibility for all of my emotions and feelings." Don't you just love Deepak?

Tell someone they are beautiful today because they are! Try, (really try) to thank them for all of the love and support they give you every day. Just try it, don't hold back now.

With Love and Sincerely,

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Entry #3 Jackie Manzo from Housewives of NJ Gets Over Herself and The Energy Changes...

During last night's reunion show of Housewives of NJ , (I am a Bravo reality TV devotee and feel silly by using this as an example but it was so clear to me) was the perfect example of someone getting over themselves and accessing unconditional love.

There was an infantile feud that lasted all season with one character, Danielle and three family members. The entire season revolved around this woman, Danielle and how she seemingly interfered with their lives in a negative way. It is the perfect example of "catty women bull shit."  This season was the Manzo sisters' against Danielle. A the end of each season there is a round table discussion (with a mediator) with the tape of the show rolling and explanation's of why and how each character said and did certain things.

As the reunion show sums up, Jackie, one of the family members, comes our of left field (after much shouting and resentment at Danielle for good reason by the way) removes herself from the situation, turns her emotionality INWARD and says, "I am sorry for what I may have done and that I hurt you."

Danielle (in defensive position since the first moment this program every started) says, "I really appreciate that and I am sorry also for whatever I have done to you and your family". Danielle's walls come down, the other sister's are uncomfortable but relieved. The energy becomes lighter and brighter almost immediately.

I am so hesitant to use this type of example but it is a huge TV show and the first time that I have seen
this type of behavior, ever.

A,lot of this feuding was based on people saying what SOMEONE else said to them (Principle #4). That is no good everyone. Do not let people say what others say about you that is unkind. Not cool. If you are someone that does that ,you are not feeling that great about yourself - sorry that is the way I see it.

We all need to love people for who they are (and some people are freaky, you don't need to have friendships with them) but don't try and hurt people who are fragile.
I have a framed photo on my wall with the dearest little bird in a humans hands that says,
"Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind." Leon Edel's Henry James, A Life.

Being unconditionally kind and loving is the only way to survive among the humans. Once I got over myself, and learned to love everyone, everything and that includes (bugs and trees) in their entirety, accept my actions and thoughts and responsibility, the world became a warm and safe place somehow.

Thanks for reading.

With Love and Sincerely,


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Entry #2 The Teachers/Readings/Writings Behind the Practice of Unconditional Love

Hi All:
Here I am a grown up and I have to say in this great house we call the world, I am astonished on how reactive and self serving we are. I listen to people and have to bring to the attention of our need to discuss ourselves over and over again into adulthood.

My dear friend Susan Campisi (My Life With Tommy Blogger and Content Manager at Kaiser Permanente) said to me one day, "Kris, I am going to put a microphone up to you and just record what you say." and with that said, I thought well maybe I will just blog it and see what happens.

I enjoy the writings of Buddishm, Deepak Chopra, Eckart Tolle, The Art of Worldly Wisdom written by Balthasar Gracian and The Secret. If and when we can apply these principles of self love and unconditional love to others inour daily lives, it can be powerful. By day removing ourselves from expectations of others, ego driven discussions, and petty conflicts, you will see how life can be peaceful and loving if you just Get Over Yourself.

Below are helpful definitions of these writings and practices that I review.

Buddhist practices such as meditation are means of changing oneself in order to develop the qualities of awareness, kindness, and wisdom.

Seven Laws of Deepak Chopra
1) The Law of Pure Potentiality
2) The Law of Giving
3)The Law of Karma (or Cause and Effect)

4) The Law of Least Effort
5) The Law of Intention and Desire
6) The Law of Detachment

7) The Law of "Dharma" or Purpose in Life

Eckart Tolle
Tolle's teachings aim at transforming human consciousness by turning one's focus within and transcending from the ego based mind to leading a life with an understanding of the limitless potential of the human spirit.

The Art of Worldly Wisdom by Balthasar Gracian
The guide to human nature

The Secret
The law of attraction

Love of thyself and others is constant, growing and shaping us in every way.

Entry #1 Get Over Yourself Principles For Adult (Intrapersonal) And That Means You and Me

Introducing, Get Over Yourself Please
  1. If you are in a petty conflict and someone accused you of something that you "said", or "did" that was unfavorable, let the individual speak to you and try not react. Does everyone know what reacting really means? Make certain to apologize for hurting their feelings, and then let them feel their feelings. Get over yourself and don't make their accusation about you
  2. If you are a messenger of unkind thoughts and words of others, you are at fault  even more so than the person who said it. The messenger is to blame for the bad thought. 
  3. Don't care what others say about you, because you really can't win can you? Someone always has some negative (which comes from them) things to say about you and/or other people. 
  4. Be in agreement that what people could say about you "good" or "bad" is probably true. If you care, then listen and change it. 
  5. Don't be angry because your friend, partner or child is angry at you. Listen to them (ask them not to shout please). Don't react. People are allowed to get angry, children, everyone why do we have this emotion?.
  6. Stop talking about yourself so much unless you are saving this world and telling us how you are doing it. What we have to say isn't that interesting, really, we are all talking all day long, 
  7. Stop comparing yourself to others, really, especially if you are in a good place. That is such a sign of insecurity. People are exactly where they are supposed to be. Get Over Yourself, Please if you think how you raise your children, manage your family, or lover better than others. No one is better than anyone, ever. 
  8. When someone is talking about their success, their adventure or their favorite thing, don't chime in and say you did or have it too, please don't steal their light it is rude and boring. 
  9. When you really restrain your emotions and motivations from many life situations and remove ourselves, (me and me and how about me, all day long, conscious or unconscious) it is an very easy and peaceful place to be (if you are lucky person in this world to be loved, warm and healthy).  Try Getting Over Yourself for one day, it is fun, we promise.
  10. Stop expecting gifts, phone calls, thank you letters, or to be invited to social gatherings.  Get Over Yourself, Please in terms of having a problem with someone/people for not delivering on these things that you have envisioned in your head.