Entry #11 Denial (My Favorite Place), My Father's Message, and Loving As A Constant State

Hi All:
I am sitting here and feeling very grateful for the Autumn day in front of me (perfectly mild breeze with deep orange and red leaves dancing from one branch to another). I am excited and relieved to have it made to and from Barcelona in one piece with Brady and mostly thankful to my state of denial (my favorite place) since it keeps me in a calm place with chaos and uncertainty swirling all around me.

Denial is my favorite place (is it living in the present maybe, is that what a Buddhist would say?) since it gives me the tools to cope with upcoming events that have me in a jitter.

Events such as the possibility of adopting a newborn baby and having no idea when or how it is actually going to happen, preparing for a slightly larger family just as I reach my comfort zone or how about this: submitting a book proposal on Get Over Yourself Place to get the message of this blog out there and see what happens. Hopefully these dreams will manifest. These certain dreams do require some denial. Why is that?  Because these kinds of dreams require much more bandwidth! Ha ha Mommy.

I am so proud of my denial mechanism because I know when I am doing it. I train my thoughts to not even think about what will come next. It greatly reduces my anxious state of mind.

I have a great example of this, here it goes, hope it is not too long,

Last summer we vacationed on our boat for ten days with Kooky who was 18 months old at the time. I said to my mother in -law, while loading the baby car seat on to the boat, "I am in such denial about this trip in every way, I have to live in the present or I will die." Meddi knowing me pretty well shook her head and said, "I get that totally". Sure enough on that very day (while burning from Montauk Point to Block Island), there are eight foot waves crashing on me, the boat and Brady in his little car seat (boat felt like a tin cup). This proved that my underlying anxiety was valid, and denial (my favorite place) helped me cope with this type of situation that I had no control over. Everything was fine but there were a few moments of helplessness and then intense prayer.

When I look for messages; whether it be a sad story in the news (I always think well instead of becoming fearful, what is the lesson here and how can it become an inspiration on some level?) or swirling birds outside my window at 5am or a message on a delivery truck, we think when we see them, and say, "No, it can't be, I am silly", but then you realize it is REAL while your brain is processing it your soul connects to the thoughts as well.

This August, while driving down the beautiful country side road of Route 110 (not!) here in Long Island in the super hot heat and dusty light blue sky,  and right in front of my car is this big, loud seventy foot delivery truck with very bold white and evergreen colors (I shall never forget) it read:

KANE is ABLE
Be Kind
Be Careful
Be Your Best Self

I am sorry, but I've never seen a Mack truck with my name on it, much less with words of being nice and kind, right? I am not crazy am I?

That (for me) was a direct dial from my late father and it was heaven talking at its best. As I am reading it, I am so sure that these words are for me to understand or feel for that matter. Cause in this world you better be kind, you better be careful and you BETTER be your best self, is that too much to ask ? Thank you Dad for that one.

The best way to think of my late father and deal with my grief was actually (not denial, my favorite place), finding a way to remove myself and the feelings associated with losing him with his own happiness. In a way, like Getting Over Myself right? Did I remove my ego, is that possible? I began to feel happy for him and accepting of his transformation into another place of light.  I have no idea how I came to this conclusion but my father's death was somehow beautiful for me because he was so relieved. Oh I love that one! Everyone has their own journey with loss and grieving and I understand that too.

I really cannot believe that I sit here and write on my diary every week about all things; unconditional love. The more I learn to love thyself and nurture others (even when they may not be loving back for some reason) that is all that I can think of or do. I feel like the less judging and comparing and even criticizing others and MYSELF has brought on positive spiritual AND physical changes. Cultivating this constant state of loving has been so rewarding. My heart sure feels good too!

Here is a perfect proverb from my Dream cards,

"The mind determines what's possible, The heart surpasses it."
Pilar Coolinta 

An elderly women wearing a Red Cross cape passed a very small and tiny sticker to us as we waited on line to enter the Gaudi Cathedral (the most stunning structure ever with distinct rainbow beams of light inside, so remarkable ) in Barcelona last week that said :

For Love of Others

I thought, she seems like the happiest person in the world. She's been standing here for how long, ten hours or more? She is still pleasant and smiling.

There are many great spiritual leaders, authors, teachers and texts that translate unconditional love, but there is nothing more than experiencing it

I am all over the place today (the Full moon to blame again and again) but I know that you will all forgive me somehow and Get Over Yourselves! He He I love you guys.

Thank you all for your conversation and support. I know we are all so busy. God bless the children and the animals. They need so much hope, I guess we all do.

With Love and Sincerely,
Kristen

Entry #10 In All Things of Nature, There is Something of the Marvelous

Hi All:
The temperature has dipped here in NY, the skies are clear and the leaves are beginning to crackle which means that winter is booming on in. And I say,  "Bring it:, because winter is so very dramatic and intense and those creamy and thundery clouds in the sky do not disappoint me, ever!


The message found me last week while shopping at Whole Foods here in Long Island and thank god because my head is spinning in so many directions I am surprised I am sitting here talking to you guys. 


The card found me first (there are no mistakes) and then I researched iconic Neil Young who finds his church and solace in his backyard, The Redwoods of San Mateo County. The cherry on the cake was revealed during a conversation in my kitchen, with my dear friend Cindy Dreher who just returned from the spiritual vortexes of Sedona, Arizona. 


This card is what kicked off the idea of Nature As My God. 


In all things of nature there is
something of the marvelous.
  Aristotle


The loving and funny people of this earth move me that is no question. I have to agree that there are some awesome cathedrals, fancy mosques and temples that will take your breath away. But time and time again I am in awe of the earth's sun light, raindrops, the chubby clouds, the screaming thunder, the temperature's heat and frigidity and the songs of the soft wind. I mean to be part of the nature and weather that exists here is something of the marvelous - thank you Aristotle. I am always like did you see that? 


I am so happy that I am a person that can  appreciate it, and say, "Oh my god did you see that red headed wood pecker fly by or Brady did you see that spider web?"  or my sister will say, "You have to see the silvery moonlight it blinding me and it is midnight." For me and many of us I hope we respect and adore the waves that roll in and out of our beaches, the dusty dirt roads that lead us to the thickest forests, a snowstorm's silence. I see a whole lot of God right there.


When I decided to nature worship on this week's blog I did a little research on the man  himself, Neil Young who is a poet and iconic song writer. He too has deep faith in god's work of nature. He says very simply,

 “I'm not a preacher, and I'm certainly not a good example, but I have my own feelings about God. I'm kind of a nature guy. My cathedral is forests, or the prairies, or the beach.”

I mean Neil Young has always been on the menu for music for all of us, but when I heard him share that with Charlie Rose this year in fact, I thought well of course we are in the same church.


Does nature provide a spiritual energy? My very dear friend Cindy Dreher experienced this first hand on her trip to Sedona Arizona. She went on a shaman/Indian vortex tour and what was asked of her what she worshipped she looked at those dynamic mountains and red rocks on her landing and said "nature". We all grow and search for the calm light in side and to find it in our atmosphere is again, something of the marvelous, thank you Aristotle.


There is so much to be thankful for on this living earth, just look outside and stop complaining that we are not perfect or something is wrong or not like someone else, Get Over It. Nature is perfect because it is not perfect, right? All those mistakes made some kind of beautiful. Or when people complain about the weather, I am like, "what"? It is supposed to be raining cats and dogs didn't you figure that out? There are no mistakes. Just cool challenges to take us down so we can get back up. Look at how nature gets its ass kicked all of the time and it just keeps on thriving and growing. We could learn a big lesson from nature each day.  


Nature has and will always knock me right on the head with its beauty. Nature teaches me to get over myself with every breath that I take. All day long nature is telling me, "Look at my rich red colored flower petals", or "hey down there look at how I breathe life into the air all the way up here with my branches? "Look at what I am raining all over you today so your bushes will stay happy and perky." 


Loving nature is a gift, I have no idea how I discovered it like I did. But I am so thankful for it. 


And to conclude our message today, I found a quote from the endearing and the truly amazing Joseph Campbell (no one like him, never will be)


The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with Nature. 


Nature gets a bad wrap on TV but we all know it is going to out smart us all when the time is right.


Thank you all so much for being my followers and participating and reading in your busy days. God bless our children and animals.


With Love and Sincerely,
Kristen