I am amazed how adults react to anger like exploding volcanoes when it comes to petty conflicts. I am equally amazed how we believe we deserve a Medal for everything (which we don't) and how we spend so much time thinking and talking about how our spouses, families, friends should behave and mirror us during these petty feuds. Oh boy this is a good one!
Todd and I are very excited to adopt a little baby from the US. There is a very specific action plan in order for the process to be successful. I am driving the research and administrative part of this plan now. Yesterday was the day that Todd and I were to review what I have done so far, and proceed forward based on our discussion. The conversation started rather late in the day for us (for one). During our review, Todd was listening to me and looking at his computer (while exploring other avenues in which to find our beautiful baby). I was tense and raw before we started the discussion, (eyes bulging and shaking my head) because in my petty mind set, this was going to happen (The Secret Laws of Attraction (ha ha)) and I was right. As we are continuing, I am embroiled with resentment and saying to myself, " I can't believe he did not even say what a good job that I did and look, he is looking at the computer and not conversing with me. Where is the discussion here?" Here comes the mud slinging, high pitched voices, shouting and here we are at - unproductive town!
So I huff and puff, throw the paperwork, curse, slam two doors and then run downstairs. When I look back on it I think to myself, Oh Dear! The entire time I am downstairs, I am thinking why does he always turn on me when I am struggling? Why did he not say, KK what is wrong today, are you alright? I spend almost one hour thinking how what he could have done differently. Not me, because I don't react and never raise the negative energy around this house. Yeah OK.
Today I woke up and felt so completely different about this scenario, here is why.
First, everyone believes they deserve a medal for everything. Look I took out the garbage (where is my medal?), I cleaned the house all day (where is my medal)? and Todd look I did the research portion of this project I was supposed to do in the first place, (where is my medal) Yes, I know that I worked really hard and did a great job, (me needing that medal for that, got me in the hot water in the first place, right)? It was all about me and the very small portion of the plan that I did. Silly Mommy, Get Over Yourself!
On another note (entirely) I think folks have a difficult time complimenting people. What is wrong with telling someone you look great today? or Thank you for what you did for me today, I know you try so hard. Maybe if there was a bit more of that, even one crumb of a compliment, we would not need that medal so badly. And you all know who you are! I think everybody is wonderful and amazing and I tell them every day. You know me!
Secondly, when Todd began to mirror my emotions of frustration, I should have taken the energy right down to where it needed to be. and said, "OK let's talk about this and how we can solve it?" Instead of the walls going up around us that just burst into flames, I should have said, your advice is sound and I am going to take it and get to the next steps, and be done with it.
If I plan on blogging like this, I better check myself each day and take responsibility for my thoughts and actions. My reacting was a good one last night. Right Cindy?
When we concluded our conversation, Todd was like "KK, you really think you are this feminine version of Buddha, but you are a human being, You switch off when you don't want to hear or do what you don't want to do. He said it in the nicest way and he was right. I have to say why does that type of conversation with Todd trigger me so much? It comes from a little place in me that has nothing to do with Todd, really. Where is the self love? Let's not forget, forgiveness of oneself. I am just so glad that I GOT OVER MYSELF.
As our beloved Deepak Chopra says, (funny how this card came up last night,)
"I deal positively with emotional turbulence." "I recognize and take responsibility for all of my emotions and feelings." Don't you just love Deepak?
Tell someone they are beautiful today because they are! Try, (really try) to thank them for all of the love and support they give you every day. Just try it, don't hold back now.
With Love and Sincerely,